Dear Judith,
Untitled. Unsure. Unknown. That's how I feel now.
January has been long. It feels like forever since we've talked. I really miss you. I miss having someone to talk about Saipan with, someone who can relate to my experiences and tell me that I'll make it out alive.
My dad is coming next month to be the week of prayer speaker and then he'll come to Managaha with us. I'm very excited about that.
I got a counseling job at camp. I hope that I do well. I'm very excited about it.
With every day that passes, I love my kids more and more and more.
Other than that, I feel like I'm just drifting in the waves of what's transpiring around me. I had hoped that this year would provide some direction for my life, but I'm even more confused, if possible.
The people that I expected to keep in touch this year haven't, and the ones that I didn't expect haven't either. I feel very cut off from everyone, and though it's partly my fault, I feel as though I can pull the lonely SM card, an advantage which they lack. I haven't even talked to Krystin in a month. I guess I just expected more, you know? That's most likely causing some of my wanderings.
I have not made a decision regarding next year. I'm considering staying. Can you offer some advice? I've been turning it over and over in my head for almost 2 months, and I have trouble sleeping because of it.
Thank you for letting me vent. You really are a huge support to me. I miss you and love you.
Be cool like me and read these too!
About Me
- Jai
- These are my letters to the wonderful woman who is responsible for my year away from my world.
5 comments:
Oh my dear friend,
I do understand how it feels to be cut off. Even in the midst of this city, there are days even now that I feel alone. Consider yourself hugged and missed. I am awful about staying in touch, a loner with just enough social grace to make friends, but if you could read my thoughts and hear my innermost conversations, you would know that you are thought of and loved and supported.
Whatever you choose to do will be right. I struggled so long and hard with my decision to go back and when I made it, I still didn't feel peace. It wasn't until I was strolling along the streets of Portland, kicking up my skirt and breathing in fall that I knew I had made the right choice. I miss Saipan, I am in love Saipan and I always will be, but I am so glad to be here. As much as we want to consider the good of others, do what YOU want! Do what YOU need! Saipan will be OK with or without you, and you will always keep it in your heart.
Jude's a pretty smart one. . .good advice there.
Stay if you want to, and only if you want to.
This is the longest part of the year--the third quarter. But once we hit Spring Break and Japan the year will race by and it will be over before you know it.
See tomorrow morning for our run, "dark and early" as Megan puts it!
Hey Jai,
My thoughts flash back to when I was in Japan and the conflicted emotions that I experienced. I have even second-guessed my decision to come home when I did. But retrospectively I can see how God led me (through some pretty convoluted pathways, to be sure!) to the place that I am today. And the beauty of it all is that He will lead you just the same way! Whatever His plan is for you, I know that He will guide this decision. And know that your daddy will love and support you no matter what you decide.
Maybe we can talk some when I come to see you?
Love you so much!
Papa
Hey Jaimie!
I have not talked to you in ages! I completely understand what you're talking about. I feel very seperated from everybody. I'm doing just fine, but I miss lots of things. I've read some of your comments and blogs and I'm very happy for you. We'll have lots of things to share together when we see eachother again. Heck, we should email a little bit. jordankattenhorn@gmail.com. Just drop me a note and we can tag team a little. It sounds like God has you just where he wants you and maybe even for one more year! That would be pretty crazy. I know you'll make the right desicion. Miss you Jaimie, but hopefully will get an email from you soon.
Jordan
"Saipan will be OK with or without you" ... but Saipan isn't... without you.
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