Not enough

Sometimes, when words are not enough...

Tears have to suffice.

I made a new friend!!

Dear Judith,

While at work, I was on Facebook, as apparently I usually am, and noticed that I had a new friend request.  Curious, I clicked on the link, and it was Jessica Lee!

Though I've never met her, I feel immediately connected to her because of our common experience, because of our island.

It feels wonderful to talk about Oleai, Coffee Care, Pau Pau, Tapochau, apple green tea, and all our SDA kids.

I haven't felt able to discuss my real (Saipan) life with people lately, because there's no way anyone could understand...unless you had been there, unless you had lived it.

The night has gotten a little better.

Going...

A few months ago, I found a Facebook application that examined status updates to find which words were most common. Though I realize this, and most of Facebook itself, are completely useless, I participated out of curiosity's sake. I am proud to say that my most commonly used word in my status updates is "going".

It's how I want to live my life. I don't want to remain stagnant, just waiting for life to happen. I want to seek it out, travel the world, participate in my life, rather than simply watch it pass.

I learned how to live in Saipan. It started that first Sabbath on my first island tour. I was shy. Rhonda wasn't there yet, and even if she had been, I only knew her on a surface level. It was simply me.

We drove to Banzai, enjoyed looking at the beautiful ocean, and I was comfortable...enough.

We looked out across Suicide, and I was not nervous. I did not realize that life was about more than watching.

We went to the Grotto. My first step down those slippery steep stairs was the first step of my journey. By the time I got to the bottom, my legs were shaking, and I had no intention of crossing over to the rock in the center, but I was convinced. I held on to that pole which was drilled into the rock, and I took a step.

The water washed over my feet. I took another step. I couldn't do it on my own. Ken held my hand, told me when to jump, and I trusted him.

Another step.

I was on the rock.

I was shivering.

Amy jumped.

Nicole jumped.

Cristina jumped.

Angie jumped.

I thought they were crazy. I don't know what happened.

I closed my eyes, and...

I jumped.

With a splash, I was cleansed of everything that I had been told I was. I surfaced with a smile, and put my past behind me.

I've been jumping into life ever since and now I'm never GOING to stop.